The Conscious And Unconscious Person

No matter how you look at it, we are all students of psychology. As a person you are around people. People are social animals that behave in complex ways. Some people aren't very good at understanding this behavior and others are. As a salesperson, you probably have a natural grasp on this complex behavior. You may be able to figure out what and why people say and do things. The better you are at this, the more effectively what you say is what is heard. This makes you a more versatile and competitive salesperson. Also, it helps you both personally and professionally.

I am going to present a controversial viewpoint to help you gain access to a deeper understanding of people. What you may find interesting is that you probably have a good notion of what is going on here but can't articulate it.

Have you ever wondered why you feel a certain way and couldn't understand it? Or if you meet someone for the first time and somehow you don't trust them; yet you can't articulate why. Or even more deeply, you find yourself behaving in a way you don't approve of, yet you find yourself doing it. What is it in you, that can cause feelings or behave in a way when you weren't even thinking about it? Have you noticed that some people can read people really well and others can't? Everybody has the ability to be good at reading people. The problem is many of us are disconnected from our unconscious which communicates through feelings and other subtle messages to the conscious us. Some people don't even know these messages are coming upward to their conscious.

A concept which can help you delve deeper into understanding motivations of people is the concept that every person you deal with, customer, friend or relative, lover, wife, whoever, has two distinct personalities. They are two people. We can call these two beings the conscious person and the unconscious person. The conscious person is easy to read. This is because you can see and hear them directly. This is what you, as a person, are conscious of as what and how you perceive as reality. What you are thinking right now is the conscious you. The conscious person can articulate why they do most things. They have the perception they are in touch with what and why they do things. This is true most of the time. However there are times when someone can't tell you why they did something. Have you ever been aware of that? More interesting, they may not even aware they are doing something. The unconscious person is someone who you, as a person, are not aware of, but is contained within your personality. There is linkage between the two. Feelings are one of them. There are indicators but most are transparent to the conscious person because they don't know how to read them. You can't see them or "see" what the unconscious you is thinking. The unconscious affects our conscious by making us do things or feel things for reasons we may not be aware of. This is because just as you are aware of what you're thinking, the unconscious is also thinking of things, but they are hidden from your conscious thoughts.

Sometimes the unconscious can actually drive conscious behavioe without the conscious knowing what or why you are doing it. (This is why you may wonder why you did something). If you are conscious of something you do, you can explain why you do it and what you do. When the unconscious takes over, you may not be conscious of why you are doing something or even what you are physically doing. It can be that powerful. The conscious person knows what they are thinking, the reason they need to do an action or say something, then physically do it. When the unconscious is influencing the behavior, the conscious self may or may not know why they are doing something or even what they are doing. The unconscious is driving this behavior because it is has other, deeper reasons for behaving the way it does. Sometimes it can sieze control because it is threatened and perceives the need to survive. Usually the reasons can be related to strong internal conflicts that haven't been resolved and the frustration which they bring. Also, it can be reactions to the environment such as interactions with people that trigger fear, jealousy or loathing; the result of being judgmental. Chances are good these issues are related to family or things which have deeply affected the person in some way. Not all unconscious behaviors are due to deep issues. Sometimes they can be relatively superficial but still involve "uncomfortable" problems you decided to ignore. You can't make issues go away. You can choose to deny issues but all that does is bury the problem and then the unconscious will deal with it. When the unconscious deals with it, it can surface as another problem seemingly completely unrelated to your denial issue. When this happens you'll have no idea why you are having this problem. This can be very confusing for people. This is why they seek therapy. To discover what the deeper unconscious problem is. When they do that they can "fix" the issue.

Your personality is very clever and resourceful. If it doesn't want to deal with something is can choose to make it disappear with some people. It is an expert at burying unresolved issues away and making sure they are well camouflaged. There are various mechanisms which it does this that are very sophisticated. (Who said we are simple creatures?) The unconscious is a deep, subterranean force which has no conscience and is motivated by the powerful forces of our personality. It doesn't care about other people's feelings, and is interested in only protecting itself. It has powerful survival instincts. When there is a threat to our personality, the conscious can deny it exists, (denial) but the unconscious knows all about it. When there are personality issues, they surface as unaware behaviors because the unconscious knows exactly what the hidden issues are and isn't happy about it. Sometimes the conscious person is aware of problems. They become aware of these issues by having emotional problems which make their quality of life less than perfect. If the conflict is strong and unresolved, they may have panic attacks or engage in destructive behavior. In its own way, these are signals to the conscious there are issues that need resolution. Overall, the person isn't happy.

The unconscious is driven by guttural and primitive needs and can be unpredictable. The unconscious is extremely smart. It is also keenly perceptive even if the conscious person is not. It uses various hooks to let you know there are problems. If the problems are small, the behaviors are not usually serious. If they are more pronounced, it usually means there are more serious issues. The unconscious isn't bad. It just makes life unpleasant when you shove issues on it. Or, when someone else triggers issues. When you are in balance with your needs and internal issues, the unconscious is a very powerful ally to your mental and physical health. You can actually get in touch with your unconscious and "read" it so you know when things aren't right so you can do something about it. Most "normal" people have a balance between their unconscious and conscious self. When the conscious and unconscious are both aware of the issues, threats and conflicts, there is a kind of balance. The unconscious doesn't need to raise flags by arresting conscious behavior. The truth is we are all a little imbalanced so even normal people can suddenly exhibit unconscious behavior. Understanding this behavior can give the salesperson remarkable insight into a person's motivation.

The unconscious person is immensely and clearly perceptive and can be more so than the conscious person. People who are unperceptive as a conscious person can be razor sharp in their clarity of unconscious perception. No matter how unperceptive you think someone is, you can bet their unconscious is reading everything with crystal clarity. I am convinced, based on what I have observed, that no matter how imperceptive a conscious person is, their unconscious is still razor sharp. This means that your unconscious will "see through" almost anything but the conscious self may not. Because of the separation between the two, the conscious you may never perceive something your unconscious sees. For example, if someone is trying to manipulate you or fool you, your unconscious will clearly see the strategy. If the person who is trying to manipulate you is very good at it, you may not consciously be aware of it. Your unconscious will be. If you are in touch with your unconscious, you will feel uncomfortable about what is happening and realize something is wrong. Your gut is a good unconscious indicator. If you are out of touch with your unconscious, you won't be able to connect the warning signals that something is wrong. People who aren't in touch with their unconscious go through life unaware about some of their conscious behavior. If the problems are severe enough, their quality of life can be very poor.

Your feelings are a good indication of what your unconscious is telling you. Have you ever been sad or had feelings you couldn't understand why you experienced them? If you are more connected with your unconscious, you know why you feel a certain way. If you aren't, you can feel a certain way but not understand why you do. Also, you may be aware of feelings you have but not aware of how you are behaving. This disconnection between the conscious and unconscious can be small or large. It all depends on how many deep issues a person has. These "issues" can be unresolved problems such as being really mad at your parents (unconsciously - so you aren't aware of being mad), for something they never did for you.

Don't think only the unitelligent can be out of touch with their unconscious. Very smart people can be out of touch. This is because smart people can be very good at denial. In fact, the smarter you get, the more sophisticated you become at denial. They can be so good at it that they can make most any bad feeling go away. This is why some really smart people seem to do very dumb things. The dumb things are usually unconscious issues surfacing. This is how conflict with the unconscious begins to escalate and manifest itself with behavior the person is unaware of. What is funny is that other people observing a person in denial can read them very clearly. A person in denial can have serious issues and may behave in deterimental ways and not be aware of it. This is important to know when you are dealing with someone with these issues. They simply can't see them.

The unconscious can be an unfair judge of people and their motivations. It has its own way of interpreting the world and it's out of a person's conscious control. An unconscious person can be vengeful and full of rage. Problems in childhood can shape how the adult unconscious person interprets the world around them. When the unconscious person is out of balance with the conscious person there are personality issues. A troubled, unconscious person can be a problem. When you couple this type of unconscious personality to its ability to clearly perceive the outside world's intentions, you get a paranoid thinking that can be extremely suspcious and judgmental. When the unconscious personality is in this state and interprets a threat, it can come out as intangible feelings of untrustworthiness or other types of distrust. The unconscious can affect the judgment of the conscious person without them knowing it. This influence on the conscious person will be subtle but powerful. That's why it's important to pay attention to the things the unconscious person looks for when you interact with a conscious person. Have you ever heard someone say, "I don't know why I did that?" Or how about someone who is behaving some way and never sees the effect they are having on other people or competely denies responsibility for their actions. Some people are illiterate when it comes to understanding how people behave. What I'm talking about is someone who is intelligent, works around people, yet does things so obvious people around him can clearly see the behavior but the individual doing it does not. You may hear people discuss this person in private and mention they don't understand how this person can't see how weird their behavior is.

I worked at a company where the VP of Marketing kept going on other people's "turf". Turf wars are a frequent source of conflict with management in companies. This guy was rather remarkable in his behavior. He would constantly seize an opportunity to take over someone else's responsibility. What was worse, he would take someone else's idea and boldy present it as his own. Also, he would usurp someone else's job and override them in meetings. He was smart, insightful and seemed to have a good sense of people. He was brilliant at marketing. Yet he really irritated other managers by treading on their responsibilities. The CEO knew he did this, but sometimes CEOs like some "healthy" conflict in their organizations. Or the CEO may have had a blind spot. He looked the other way. Now you could tell me that I might be overreacting and too paranoid to his obvious plotting and derisive behavior. Okay, you might be right. But I had many conversations with this guy and other people who he affected. I believe I am perceptive and can nail this kind of behavior. One time I was in this VP's office one-on-one. I had a close relationship with him and we were talking about how this one manager was difficult to work with as if he had no idea about his behavior. I knew this VP had recently stolen one of his ideas and used it as his own with the CEO. The manager confronted him about it yet he acted incredulous as if the accusation was ridiculous. Later, I asked the VP if he knew why this guy was mad at him. He looked at me and remarked how he had no idea why this guy was so ticked off at him. He said this manager was too sensitive and reacted emotionally all the time. He said that he had a lot of problems working with him (no wonder!). I inched forward and mentioned it might have something to do with the way he presented other people's ideas. The VP looked perplexed and asked what that had to do with it. It was obvious I wasn�t going to get any further with the conversation. What I knew was this guy was either an unbelievable master at deceit (conscious) or he really didn't know what he was doing (unconscious). Or to put it another way, if he was asked if he took this idea, would either fail the lie detector on this (conscious behavior) or pass the lie detector (unconscious behavior). I worked with this guy for almost 2 years and to this day I am convinced he was doing this unconsciously.

It's good to know when you deal with people if things they do are conscious or unconscious behaviors. Conscious behaviors can be dealt with easily, unconscious behavior is difficult to deal with, as the person doesn't know why or what the're doing, yet you can tell something is going on. If you bring it up with them, they won't know why you are talking about it. So direct confrontation is a bad idea. Also, you could jeopardize your relationship with them. They require more complex strategies and tools. (see Free Association ).

The best way is to work around unconscious behavior is to avoid direct confrontation. If you confront a person about what is their unconscious behavior, you will cause the person to become defensive (not good) and you may run the risk of becoming a target of their unconscious. So a good rule to follow is; if you are going to address someone about a particular behavior, make sure you know whether it's conscious or unconscious.

A person whose work behavior has serious unconscious behaviors can be difficult to deal with. You never know what they may do next as their behavior is unconsciously driven and you can't address it directly. If this person is a customer or someone you have to work with, you need to be aware of what they are doing. Other people around them may not be as perceptive as you at identifying unconscious behaviors, but many people have a gut feel that something isn't right with this person. Managers usually understand this behavior when a subordinate is doing it and may use indirect methods to contain them if they get too much out of line. If you are in the crosshairs of an unconscious attack, you cannot deal with it directly. You need to have other people (your peers or manager) be aware of this behavior so you don't get screwed. The rule is avoid it as much as possible, but if you have to deal with it, you need to build a consensus that this person is a problem. You don't discuss your problem directly with people, but you make sure there is an audience when this behavior occurs. Even if the unconscious behavior is subtle, most people will see it. If this person is attacking you, they are probably attacking others. Another way to figure out how to deal with it is to talk to someone who you respect to advise you on political issues. This can be a friend, mentor or a person you trust and respect. Another unconscious indicator is your gut. When you're in a situation and your gut is telling you one thing but you are thinking of another, this is an example of the unconscious self versus the conscious self. If you really know how to read your gut, you can get more in tune with one aspect of your unconscious self. This is really interesting because it�s like having two people working for you.

The unconscious person always gives clues to what they are thinking. Ever hear of the "Freudian slip?". Sigmund Freud, a very famous 19th century psychologist, called this a "faulty action". Later, popular use changed it to "Freudian slip". It happens when someone is trying to hide their feelings or thoughts. During conversation, their unconscious forces them to speak words which are consciously unintended but are what the unconscious is feeling. While the sentence structure is perfectly sound, the person inadvertently substitutes words they never meant to say. It can be very embarrassing and clearly revealing. The person listening has to know enough about the context of the discussion to understand what happened. If they don't they may not know. For example, let's say you are out on a date with someone who you find very attractive. You like them very much but are trying not to appear overly anxious about revealing your true feelings. If you did, you think you might scare them off. This causes a conflict which you have to put a lot of energy into in order to control. You are talking with them. Instead of saying "Let's go to see Ted," you say "Let's go to bed."

If you are under pressure to control your speech and it's taking a lot of energy to do it, you can fall prey to these very revealing unconscious forces. The ironic thing is that sometimes Freudian slips express true feelings. Some people will say that the slip is intentional. It's like the unconscious self doesn't want the conscious to hide anything. This can work for you or against you. If you someone you are talking with makes a slip, it could reveal a conscious effort to deceive.

The unconscious can make the conscious person an unknowing instrument of punishment. If someone doesn't like you, normal protocol and manners teaches us to treat people fairly and with respect. On the surface; they treat you "normally" without revealing their issues with you. We restrain ourselves or are not aware the unconscious wants to punish and react immaturely. This creates a conflict as they don't like you and have to be nice to you. If it bothers them enough their unconscious may decide to punish you. This could manifest itself as a series of unconscious "slips". It doesn't have to be speech. It can be very subtle "indirect" behavior.

Remember the saying "actions speak louder than words". You might notice someone always leaving your name off their email list even when you are an important part of team project, maybe the focus. When you mention to them you would like to be copied on the list they tell you they will but never do it. (An indication of your relative importance to them. They know it consciously and unconsciously). Your manager communicates very effectively to your team of peers, but somehow not to you. He or she always "forgets" to tell you important information. When you ask them, they say they are sorry and will fix it in the future but it never happens. Another example is someone in your factory never reads your emails or calls you back. You know they call other people back and read their emails. What is worse is when a customer does this. They seem to always forget to include you. If you analyze the above examples, you might say that the manager is forgetful, or the person leaving you off the email list is just lazy. The message is you are unimportant to them and they want you to know it. This is a very crafty way of avoiding direct confrontation and is a way of getting at you. It can be very destructive in a relationship because the actions can be interpreted as "plausible forgetfulness" and honestly denied. It's an elegant, powerful and devious method to get back at you. The unbelievable fact is they may be completely unaware of this behavior. The good news is if you are perceptive enough to read it, you know exactly who doesn't like you, or at least whose unconscious doesn't like you. There are many reasons besides unconscious forces for these examples you might say. Or are there? One thing that must be clear to you; this behavior, whatever the reason for it, can be very annoying. They are communicating to you that they don't regard you as important or look at you as a threat. Many times this is an indication the person is very insecure.

I'm not saying that every neglected email is an indication of conscious or unconscious attack. (Some psychologists might disagree). I believe people make honest mistakes and if we go around too sensitized to attacks, we'd never get our job done and end up in a mental institution. Detecting overt unconscious behavior by observing actions can make you paranoid. Not every little thing people do is an indication unconscious forces are directed at you. But on the other hand, if you have reminded someone to add you to their email list a couple times and they don't, at minimum it�s an indication you aren't very important to them for some reason. This is part of the downside to sophisticated creatures with big brains.

If you are convinced someone is unconsciously trying to attack you there may be little you can do. Understanding the root of their problem will help you deal with it. If a peer is behaving this way with you, this may be their way of competing. Witholding information is another way of exerting power when the person is inconsciously insecure. If your manager is doing unconscious things to you they may not like something about you. Usually it is a way of keeping more power for themselves when they are insecure. You may be a type of person they have trouble dealing with. You may want to try to understand that more and find out what their issue is. In some cases, you can do something about it. You can't deal directly with their unconscious but you might try to gain more trust from them. If your manager has a problem with your personality, you might want to adjust to make it easier to deal with you. Don't expect people with unconscious behavior to articulate what they're doing or cooperate. Because the behavior is unconscious they are unaware of it. You have to deal with it indirectly. If your boss is having problems with you, it is you who have to develop a plan to (1) identify the root of the behavior problem and (2) do something that will make them feel easier about you. Depending on how deeply rooted and problematic the issue is, you may or may not be able to do anything about it.

Don't forget that you might be the person with the unconscious behavior and are blaming everybody else for your problems. You may have similar unconscious issues with a person who is doing something to you, (see Transference And Counter-Transference ). If you are very much in touch with your behavior, you might be able to discover your unconscious issues. This is very hard to do. People who have good self-analytic skills can do this. Consult with friends or therapists, mentors, anybody you can trust can help give you feedback. Just tell them the story about your manager or peer. If they throw something back in your face that you do that stuff too, you may be guilty or even the initiator. (You may unconsciously choose to ignore sage advice which may be a problem with you - see The Personality Disorder & The Neurotic ). Unfortunately, people understand so little about unconscious behavior many don't even know it when it's right under their nose.

What is important is to know that not all behavior is conscious. Hiding true feelings and desires is very difficult to do but some people do it very, very well. Being cognizant of how to read both conscious and unconscious behavior is a very powerful tool to help you understand the difference between what a person says and what they really will do. If you possess this knowledge you can plan ahead and manage your relationships more successfully.

One of the things to realize as a salesperson is you can't assume you will understand the unconscious personality of every customer. This is why you have to be very careful when you interact with customers. Many salespeople don't understand this and are sloppy. The unconscious personality of a customer can be more judgemental than the conscious one, superficial things like how you dress, the car you drive, even the watch you wear may trigger unconscious feelings of mistrust or impressions of you which are demeaning. Why do salespeople dress up more than customers? Think about this. Creating impressions is very important for the conscious person, but even more important for the unconscious person. Since you can't be sure about what the unconscious personality will think of you, you shouldn't take the risk of pushing things like dressing down, wearing cheap jewelery or being sloppy with your image. Just because the customer is doing it, doesn't mean you should do it.

The salesperson who anticipates they will be dealing with two personalities for every person can be more effective with customers than the salesperson who is unaware of it. The salesperson who is illiterate about the concept will make mistakes that might cause them to be unconsciously blocked from getting anywhere in the account, no matter how good they are. People will judge you by your performance but style effects the unconscious and this can limit you from achievment of your goals. Just follow your feelings and get in touch with yourself too. Don't get lazy and think that it's okay to relax your image and style. Just because the customer is consciously not saying anything doesn't mean the unconscious isn't reacting. The more you can get it touch with understanding the unconscious, the more successful you can be with your professional and personal relationships.

Lastly, if you can get in touch with your unconscious, it can help you read people very well. Most salespeople who are good at their job already have some sensitivity to their unconscious. Unknowingly, they are using their unconscious that has the ability to instantly read people. They are able to 'read' it's subtle messaging and see through to someone else's unconscious. This is a very powerful tool to help you understand and read people. If you can refine it, your ability to read people and understand their motivations will be greatly enhanced. I guess the next question is how do you do this? Well, it has to do with how well you are connected to your unconscious. For starters, if you understand how to read your feelings and can guess the root of why you have those feelings, you are doing pretty well. For those who can't yet articulate why you have certain feelings, or maybe can't recognize you are having feelings, need to get in touch more with your unconscious. To do this, you need to first be able to know when you are having subtle feelings communicated to you. This takes some real perceptive reasoning. You need to know that one thing may mean another. Also note these feelings can be at a very low level. You need to train yourself to recognize they're there then try to figure out what they mean. About the best way to train yourself is to discuss these feelings with someone you trust alot. The more you talk about them, the better your chances are to finally get to the root of them. the more you do this, the better and more perceptive you will become. There will be some feelings you can't articulate their root. This is the unconscious intentionally hiding these things away to protect itself (you). These can be deeply rooted and need a professional like a therapist to help you get to the bottom of. Sometimes a very perceptive friend or mentor can help. If you can begin to read the tea leaves sent from your unconscious, you can understand yourself better and other people. You'll be a better person.